Primitive

Here's my recipe for becoming yourself and living an original life:

1.)    Get a concept. Find or create one that you love beyond  anything else. It has to be your #1 goal, love, priority and desire. Your primary need. Your concept is your theme. It will be your guide.

2.)    Develop this concept by LIVING it. Do whatever it takes. Give up and get whatever it takes to live your concept.

Part of my concept involves being "primitive." Max, the Russian, made me aware of this aspect of my life a few months ago when we were talking by a big tree one cold winter night in Boulder, Colorado. He said: "I like the primitive life." So do I. That's why I camp out and live with as few possessions and on as little money as I can. That's why I have given up having a home. That's why I have no car and take public transportation or hitchhike.

My conceptual life is about being:

~~~American (everyone comes from somewhere, even if it is several places--where a person grows up, where s/he loves to be, where s/he wants to visit).

~~~Woman.

~~~Traveller (Nomad; Gypsy). Irish, Scottish, Scandinavian and other Travellers have "dropped out" of conventional society. They/we have created a new lifestyle. We are the New Nomads. (See "Technomads" or NuNomads" online.)

~~~Location-independent (don't have or want a "home," as in "house" or personal shelter/personal space). I camp out, stay with family and friends, use online sites like couchsurfing.org, go to hostels, and occasionally go to hotels. I have lived (with my children) in trailers, RVs, city apartments, SRO (single-room occupancy) hotels in cities, rural cabins, millionaire-neighborhood homes, and other places. Not with the very richest of the rich or the poorest of the poor (the two groups hardest to infiltrate in the U.S.). I still love visiting people's homes all over the world and seeing how they live. And then I want to leave and be on my way down the road. I always return to a few home-bases:

a.)     Where my kids and grandkids live: Ventura County, California and Boulder County, Colorado.

b.)     Place(s) I love: New Orleans, Louisiana.

All, so far, in the U.S.A.

  
~~~Computer-assisted (I rely on computers for connections, social networking, places to stay, information, buying travel tickets, and more).

~~~Neo-minimalist (everything I own is in my medium-sized backpack).

Eat your heart out, Max, wherever you are, you louse-headed rogue, because I am wearing super-tight, spandex-type pants (from the thrift shop). Hot pink. I don't want to wear make-up anymore. I am foregoing jewelry because I will soon be travelling in Mexico and Central America, and I don't want to be robbed of even costume jewelry. I am glad you're not here because I don't want ANYthing or ANYone in my life who doesn't like me the way I am. And I don't know if you would or not. So it's better that you're not around.

Surprise! My big butt is suddenly a source of pride for me. I am cultivating it, growing it. In New Orleans, the Black Gals know that lots of men LOVE women with big butts! Big butts are sexy and awesome. Those women compete for the best big butt! Some butts are like shelves, they just stick right straight out! In Southern California, where I am right now, big butts are shameful, ridiculous, and a woman with one is an object of pity. I won't ever buy into that theory again. I don't like it, and who can shake their booty without a big butt?

My big belly is also a joyful work-in-progress since I read The Spice Necklace. One of the Caribbean island women bragged about her belly and how it showed her love of food. Food equals sensuality. Can women who don't love food be good lovers?

I had three-and-a-half months of really good sex a few years ago, and I lost thirty pounds because I "forgot" to eat. Good sex is better than good food, but mediocre sex is not better than good food. I guess that's what it comes down to with me. In my life, really great sex (with one partner) has never lasted more than three months. Sad, but true. Then, it's back to good food, and that, to me, means fattening food. Yeah, I know about all the delicious non-fat foods, and I love fresh fruits and salad, but the fattening foods have to be in there too for me to be really happy (as happy as I am when I'm having really good sex).

I no longer want to be a stick figure. I used to. I admit it's still a little hard for me to fully accept my big belly and big butt. I've never been quite this big, and I'm not sure quite how to deal with my new body. It's very unconventional, unpopular and socially incorrect. Not respectable, especially in tight pants. I think I am spending too much time in Caucasian Hells.

I fully accept my new "WARNING! WIDE-LOAD" body. There's no turning back from what's part of one's chosen concept. A concept is always life-affirming, even if one's society disagrees. Therefore, I resolve to never be ashamed of myself or my shape and size ever again. I will love my whole big and beautiful self.